In the social networking world, “BFF” stands for “best friend forever,” but I think it gets thrown around pretty carelessly. Forever friendships are pretty hard to come by in the transient world in which we live, but Marilyn and I have been lucky in that regard. We’ve had some friends for a half century, and we recently got back together for a three-day reunion.
Our dear friend Carmen wrote an e-mail note three years ago following an afternoon get-together with these same friends after not having seen each other for several years. I’ve saved that note because I think it defines the nature of our friendship. Carmen wrote: “Isn’t it nice that even if you only see each other once or twice a year, good friends can pick up like we saw each other just yesterday.”
And that’s the way it was a couple of weeks ago at our reunion “up north.” We had a wonderful time. We sat around and talked for hours, sometimes reminiscing, but mostly just “catching up.” Our old group of eight is now seven because our wonderful friend Bob has been gone for seven years, but his spirit is with us whenever we get together, which is far too infrequently.
Friendship is an interesting commodity. Who knows what draws people to each other? I used to have my freshman English classes read a wonderful novel named “Bless the Beasts and Children” by Glendon Swarthout, in which a group of misfit boys at a summer camp in Arizona bond together in a common cause.
The boys are one of the “tribes” at the camp, teams who compete for prizes and favors. Swarthout explains that the tribes formed through “a natural process of cruelty, age, regionalism, and kindred interest.” And that’s probably true with kids, where cruelty sometimes separates them from other groups, and they huddle together for protection. But in adults, I think it’s age and kindred interest that brings us together.
I’m not completely sure how this particular circle of friends got together in the first place. The four guys were all teachers at the junior high, and our wives were stay-at-home moms with a bunch of little kids (16 in all), so I suppose the fact that we had those things in common was what got us started. We started out as just a bunch of friends, then we became a bridge group. We did lots of things together with our families.
But you know how it is; as we got older, fate led us in different directions. About 1970, Buckets and Bodie moved to Minnesota, where Buckets got a different teaching job, and that changed the dynamics of the group.
We couldn’t get together very often, certainly not often enough to remain a bridge club. As our kids got older and we were able to get away for a few days at a time, we started some new traditions: Badger games in Minnesota and Madison, horse racing at Canterbury Downs outside of Minneapolis, and little weekend get-togethers at Wisconsin Dells or somewhere.
Bob and Carmen and Marilyn and I would all pile into Jerry and Gay’s “conversion” van, complete with snacks and soda and board games, and head for Minnesota. We’d play games, tell stories, talk smart and generally have a good time. Bodie and Buckets were great hosts, and we never failed to have a wonderful weekend, full of laughing and good food.
But then the racetrack closed down and Badger tickets became harder to get, and our meetings got fewer and further in between. Buckets and Bodie and Jerry and Gay began spending their winters in warmer climes. Our kids got spread out, and visiting them took some of our time, so we saw our friends less and less often. But now, when we do manage to arrange a time, it’s just like old times. It’s like Carmen said: “Good friends can pick up like we saw each other just yesterday.”
So what are “forever friends”? I’m convinced that that is what this group really is. These are people who have changed our lives just by being a part of it. We can make each other laugh until we can’t stop, make each other believe that there really is good in the world.
I’m convinced that we could call on these friends in time of need and they’d come to help, even though we are separated by time and distance. The old adage says, “A friend in need is a friend indeed” and I believe it. We are blessed with many other wonderful friends who travel together, play cards together, golf together, go to theater and concerts together.
Our lives are full and busy and filled with love and warmth because of them. But our little 50-year-old corps of BFFs is special. What a wonderful thing to have such good BFFs!
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