Every year at this time, I take stock of the old year going out and the new one coming in. Rehashing the year, I reflect on what I could have done differently, including my relationship with Jesus, and how to prioritize in the new year.
Resolutions don’t really sit well with me. I tend to shun making promises to myself that I will not necessarily keep. That way, I avoid feeling guilty when I break them.
I get busy, and at times feel stress and worry settle in about my husband, our kids, the future, our mixed-up world. I chastise myself for feeling that way and try to do better, but if I don’t focus on the Lord, nothing changes.
One day I was pulled in 10 different directions at once, my emotions out of whack because of many responsibilities. It was just one of those mornings. I was finally on a roll, at least getting something accomplished in the house, when the phone rang. My husband had left 15 minutes before to haul manure.
“Can you go in the tractor that’s next to the drag and bring me a bag of bolts that’re inside the tool box? I sheared a pin on the spreader. I’m in the field next to the woods.”
Rolling my eyes and taking a deep breath, I put my coat on, pulled on my boots and got out to the shed. My husband tucks machinery away for the winter in a very detailed, structured manner in order to get everything inside. As the harvest progresses we leave machinery we use parked outside so that it’s handy. When fall rolls around, all fieldwork done and before winter hits, everything gets maneuvered tightly inside our sheds.
Well, this tractor was so snugly parked I had to crawl on top of the drag in order to get the door open. But get the door open I did, found the bag of bolts, got into the truck and drove behind the barn down by our other place.
It happened to be a foggy day. A thick-as-pea-soup foggy day. Getting behind the barn I stopped and (what did we do before cell phones I have no idea) called my husband, “Where are you?”
It turns out I was not 50 yards away from him when I had made the call. I knew he was there, I just could not see him. He got the bolt changed and started off, waving his thanks and releasing me to go back home.
Driving back, I thought about the fog and how disorienting it was. My husband was there, waiting for me but I couldn’t see him. I knew he was there, but because of the fog, he was unclear and hazy. I started reflecting that’s about the way it is with me and the Lord some days.
“Lord, this is the thing with me. I know You’re there, You are always there. It’s just sometimes I can’t see you when the fog of life overwhelms me. I get disoriented and feel so very lost. I’ve come to understand that when I get back into Your word and call on You, directing my attention on where You are, I come back to focus on You.
“I trust You because You are trustworthy. No matter what I’m facing, You are there and unchanging, You will always be there. In this New Year with all its uncertainty and I know, some foggy days ahead, help remind me to keep my eyes on You, Jesus. I long for a personal relationship with You, not just a religion. Thank You, Lord! Amen.”
(“Cast your eyes upon Jesus, look full into His wonderful face and the things of this world will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” —Helen H. Lemmel, 1863-1961)
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