Well, we’ve arrived full circle. We started our married life as two and the day has come when again, it’s just my husband and me as we saw our last one off to college Labor Day weekend.
Together, we’ve raised three children for close to 25 years and I can honestly say, it is the most satisfying, challenging, heart-wrenching process I’ve ever undertaken. Being a parent takes self-sacrifice, time, energy, patience, endurance, determination, and cementing it all together, love. It is the most wonderful job in the world.
When we got our daughter settled that day, it was time to hug goodbye. Holding my daughter close, I whispered in her ear how proud I was of her, how much I loved her and assured her she’d be just fine. Through tears I watched her dad hug her and give her his love and support.
The day after we left her at school I thought I was ready to continue normal duties and accompanied my husband on a Fleet Farm run to pick up some supplies for the farm. Wandering through the store I followed him mindlessly, shuffling up one aisle and down the next. Going to check-out we ran into a mom that we had sat through many high school sporting events with.
“How are you guys?” She inquired politely.
“Well, we just saw our daughter off to college yesterday…” my husband responded.
This mom drew a one syllable word into three as she replied, “Ohhh.”
Our eyes connected and her compassionate, knowing momma look sent me over the edge. My throat closed up and I melted into tears. Grabbing the car keys, I fled the store, leaving my poor husband to finish checking out as I crumbled into our car’s safe haven.
I was simply astounded that I would react in such a manner over one word and a sympathetic look. I likened it to the feeling I had just after my parents passed away. Shockingly, it dawned on me I was dealing with a form of grief.
After we returned home that day, I got physically busy, working off my sorrow over what I perceived was a loss. The loss I imagine is seeing the gaping hole the absence of her car makes, the clothes not worn, the shoes missing, her smile, her helpfulness, her companionship. The dirty clothes hamper, empty. (Yes, even that!) Just her not being here.
I remember years ago when our oldest was just starting pre-kindergarten. My sister and I were in the crayon aisle gathering supplies from the list we were given by our son’s teacher. It dawned on me that my baby was going to school. I got that familiar feeling, my throat constricting and I started blathering right there in the store, overcome by separation anxiety and awash in motherly love. My big sister took one look at me and in her own unique way, got me laughing right out loud as she did not show sympathy or hug me. She simply said, not unkindly, “Oh for heaven’s sake, pinch yourself!”
Through the years I’ve cheerfully given up things I had wanted to do, because I put mothering and child rearing first and foremost. It is something I’ll never regret, giving them and their needs a priority, for I find now that the time passed swiftly and the unique experiences my husband and I had with our children were rich as we shared them together.
My husband always worked the farm chores, milking and harvesting around our kids’ schedules to allow both of us to attend their events, from little on. That is one piece of advice I’d like to share with parents of young children. Whenever possible, encourage your children’s involvement in sports, music and extra-curricular activities and support them by attending their events. It will not only enhance their lives, it will yours as well. It takes time, but it is so worth the effort.
For now, I’ve been asked to join a monthly book club and I think I’m going to say yes. I have started going to a Bible study one night a week, and I’d like to take a creative writing course. My list of things-to-do includes cleaning out and organizing long-neglected cupboards and drawers, to tidy up areas in my home long put off and to de-clutter! Day by day, I am coping and beginning to see some positives in the empty nest syndrome.
We’ve had so many wonderful people share this journey with us. A lot of moms recently texted, e-mailed, personal messaged me on Facebook, sent notes with cards, or had heart-to-heart momma talks, helping me get over the hump. I’d like to thank my sisters Beth, Sherry and Dianne for your loving support and prayers, and friends Nancy, Linda, Rhonda, Denise, Penny, Annmarie, Michele, Amber, Karen, Diane D., Marci, Kate, Karla (the Fleet Farm mom!) and Mary B. for your sweet concern. My dear mother-in-law had kind and insightful advice as crying together she shared, “You have to be strong” and “This will pass.”
Finally, I’d like to thank my husband for his patient compassion and loving hugs, many right in the middle of the barn aisle as I crumbled into his arms. Especially I thank him for sharing in the pride and love for our daughter. Tucked three hours away from us on the beautiful UW-La Crosse campus, she will be fine. The challenges and trials she faces, and ultimately tackles, will give her confidence and courage and only make her stronger.
Through consistent prayer and teaching, fair discipline and loving correction, and by the grace of God, our children inherited a good work ethic, a solid foundation and sure footing, which, in turn, gave them confidence to test their wings and fly away.
We entrust them to our Father’s care because we know our God is a big God; He is with them always.
(“Hem them in behind and before; place Your hand upon them so that wherever they go and whatever they do, they will be accompanied by Your presence.” Psalm 17:8-9)
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