A small gathering of people took a moment to remember loved ones lost too soon during a candlelight remembrance Tuesday at Swedberg Funeral Home.
Today’s society denies death, said Ellen Swedberg, co-founder of Reaching Out About Depression and Suicide (ROADS). Many folks have been touched by mental illness, depression and suicide, but they are taught to refrain from processing their emotions, she said.
“It is important after death to continue to share stories and memories of the person that has died, whether it is one week or five weeks or 10 years,” Swedberg said. “We (society) want to do things fast. We want to do funerals fast. We want to do away with funerals because we think it’s going to be easier that way.”
Swedberg, through the funeral home, conducts regular classes on bereavement, and one of Swedberg’s participants died recently after suffering from mental illness and depression stemming from the loss of a loved one.
“His death touched us as class members,” Swedberg said. “If you’re touched by a person, it does affect you.”
According to the American Health Rankings, 12.6 people out of every 100,000 in the state died from self-inflicted harm in 2012, ranking Wisconsin 22nd in the United States for suicide. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in Wisconsin.
Society also has to break down the taboos of saying a person has died, Swedberg said, noting that even though a person is not physically present, the memories remain. In many cases, people can learn more about a person in death than they would in life.
The reality in life is that everybody dies, said the Rev. Dave Barrett, who was ordained more than 50 years ago. He ministered for a mental hospital for five years and on the Menominee reservation for 28 years.
Barrett has known a number of people who died by suicide. Some were quiet individuals and the signs were not as obvious, but Barrett recalled times when he wondered if it would have made a difference if he had been with the people more and spent more time tending to their needs.
“Death in general is perfectly acceptable. It’s death in particular that can be a little tough,” Barrett said.
A thought that many people who are depressed or suicidal deal with is, no more how good they are, it’s not good enough and they can be better. It is best to be who you are instead of what the world expects you to be, Barrett said.
“We have a terrible time doing that, and that’s always a problem for us,” he said. “We reach out for the fruit of something to make us something other than who we are.”
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