It is the night before surgery and all through my brain, crazy thoughts are chasing each other in a crazy chain.
Sometimes I wonder why I am putting myself through this. I had said no more surgery after the last one in 2009, yet here I am embarking on a new journey, with hope to help me in the future.
This right foot of mine has been a pain for as many years as I can remember. My right leg was severely broken when I was in seventh grade while sledding in the winter. The large bone was severed in two, and the small bone had 11 cracks in it. Does that have anything to do with the foot? I don’t know, but it might.
At one point, I had surgery on that foot, which took forever to heal, and really didn’t lessen the pain at all. Plantar fasciitis was diagnosed somewhere along the line, and I wore a series of special-made inserts in my shoes. There was help for a time, but the pain always came back.
Now there is something call metatarsal also involved, which is more to the front of the foot, and X-rays showed that some of the bones attaching my toes to my foot have dissolved. I don’t understand all of it, but I know there is pain above pain. Sometimes I go to bed in pain and wake up in as much pain. Most days it is pretty good until 4 p.m. and later, depending on the weather, and what activities I have done.
The limping caused by the pain has affected my right knee and my left hip. Actually most parts of my body are affected in some way, and I am no longer able to do many of the things I enjoy. So, when the doctor said we can fix it with surgery, it sounded pretty good. I had often thought, if there was some way to get rid of this lingering and increasingly worse pain, I would take it. That was February; now that surgery is tomorrow, I have a few concerns.
This surgery comes with a different kind of recovery: no weight bearing for the first eight weeks and a boot for four weeks after that. This is, of course, if I am a good and fast healer.
I am past the point of being able to use crutches, as I did in seventh grade. However, I have a walker, not a good option because I will have to hop on one foot, which really hurts the hip. For some time, I will need to use it. One of my nieces loaned me her knee caddie, which works really well for getting around from room to room. I also have a wheel chair on hand for those days of a painful right knee or days when the stress fractures on my left foot pain me especially much.
The most concerns I have is transfers from any equipment to the toilet seat, recliner, bed or a vehicle. I have had the physical therapy on doing it, but reality and training don’t always coincide. I will have faith that it will work out as planned, and put that into action as well as I possibly can.
Why have surgery if it isn’t a matter of life or death? Well, I wish to remain active as long as possible, and at this point, I see myself becoming more and more disabled.
Yes, I am a senior citizen, but still only 72, and as Luke 12:22 says: “Do not be anxious about your life.”
I put my trust and faith in God and know he is with me through this time of surgery and healing.
