Whether one chooses to gracefully grow old somewhere along the path around the Falls or picks up stakes and moves to some other location after retirement, there are some anxieties about those years.
One of the greatest fears is that a person will revert to a childlike state of mind. Giving up independence can be a definite hit on one’s pride.
That particular reversion is still off in the distance, at least we hope. This past week a much different reversion was experienced. Rather than reverting to a childhood state, very unexpected circumstances caused a reversion to a parenthood state.
Some analysts would argue that once you become a parent, you are always a parent. Yes, once a couple has children, they are always considered to be parents, but that parenthood role naturally evolves over time. The greatest intensity of parent work comes with young children. There are milestones, such as letting go of that child when he or she climbs on the bus that first day of school. For people in the school business, that sense of subconscious reluctance is understood. Special efforts are made to reassure parents that their trust in the school is well-placed and that precious child will be taken care of well.
Parenthood changes when the child enters middle school and again when he or she steps into high school. There are more activities to follow, and a big part of the parenthood role includes being an almost full-time chauffeur.
When the young adult moves on to college or gets married, that parenthood role diminishes significantly. At some point, when the transition is made from full-time parent to empty nester, the parenthood manuals can be put back on the shelf and something else fills the void. Yes, there are still connections, but the role becomes more of being an observer rather than being an active child nurturer.
That all changed for this observer last week early Sunday morning when it was learned that No. 2 son and his wife were involved in a serious auto accident on Long Island, east of New York City. The son had serious injuries, but his wife did not survive, although that was not known at first. The first challenge was to get accurate information. Facebook became the priority tool for getting the word out.
Once details became known, decisions had to be made about travel to play a supporting role. It was not a question about whether to make the trip, but how and when. Major hip repair surgery was set early Tuesday, a day with major storms in Wisconsin. The memorial service was set for Thursday.
Tuesday night plans were set to fly out midday Wednesday. The first leg out of Green Bay to Chicago started out a half-hour late. The situation in Chicago did not go that well. The storm that drenched Wisconsin on Tuesday was raising havoc over Ohio on Wednesday. After sitting two hours and 50 minutes in the plane on the tarmac in Chicago, the flight was canceled. Most other flights to the East Coast were also grounded, causing a rebooking scramble.
The best that American could do was a late Thursday afternoon arrival at LaGuardia. Shortly after the bad news was shared, another call came in. Through the diligent work of the scheduling people at American, an early Thursday morning flight on Jet Blue allowed this observer to walk into his son’s hospital room about 40 minutes before the service was to start. We were together hand-in-hand to watch it streamed live over the Internet.
That day and the next three were emotional, but the physical changes over that time were remarkable. A dad can do some things that nurses and doctors just don’t have the time or background knowledge to do. A hair washing and a shave of four days of face stubble can do wonders to improve a person’s appearance.
The most therapeutic change came on Friday when his 3 1/2-month-old son was brought in, and he had a chance to feed young Gerald a bottle while lying in his hospital bed. For this observer, that day provided the first opportunity to hold the newest grandchild.
The countless next steps will be short and meticulous. His journey to his ever-expanding role of parenthood has begun. For this observer, it felt good to revert back to being an active parent, even if it was under very difficult circumstances. That change in status will continue for a long time.
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