An Oconto-area farm hosted a two-county agricultural event Friday bringing farm families and their employees together to socialize and learn about dealing with conflict.
Dean and Wanda Good, owners of the Dewgood Holsteins farm, hosted the event, which drew an estimated 250 people. The social began at 6 p.m. with farm tours and dairy judging, followed by a picnic supper and presentation.
“What is designed as a social event is good for our community,” Dean Good said. “We see people we don’t normally get to see and share ideas with each other. The focus is on strengthening that so we can be a better support group for each other.”
Last spring, the Farm Bureau of Oconto County and Marinette counties united to offer a two-day seminar focusing on estate and succession planning. The seminar covered topics such as how to equally divide assets among family members, an issue that can cause friction in families and affect business operations.
Hoping to help families and individuals on the farm learn to address relationship conflicts, the Oconto County Dairy Promotions board and the Marinette County Holstein Association partnered to create an event called “Bridging Dairies Together.”
The event replaced Oconto County’s Dairy at Dusk event and the Marinette County annual Twilight Meeting.
“The counties are so closely knit together,” said Mark Cariviou, of the Marinette County Holstein Association. “We see people at both (county’s) events. When the idea was presented (to combine the separate events), we started fundraising to see if we could cover costs.”
Dr. Becky Stewart-Gross, president of Building Bridges Seminars, was the speaker for the night. Members of the Good family had seen Stewart-Gross at a Professional Dairy Producers of Wisconsin conference in Madison and were so impressed they were instrumental in bringing her to their farm.
She started her presentation by asking the rhetorical question, “Are you a bridge builder, or are you a bridge burner?” She quoted college basketball coach Rick Pitino when she said, “When you build bridges, you can keep crossing them.”
Stewart-Gross said it is important for individuals to learn conflict management, rather than always striving to resolve the conflict. Individuals need to decide if their relationship with the other person is important enough for them to work through the conflict, and if so, how important the outcome, or solution, is to them.
Stewart-Gross gave examples of how people handle conflict, from the “turtle” approach, which describes a person who avoids conflict at all costs, to the “shark” approach — a person who is aggressive and pushy to get the outcome he or she wants.
Physical aspects such as posture, eye contact, hand movements and voice modulation can positively or negatively impact a message when communicating to another person, she said.
Attitude, she emphasized, is key in learning to “build bridges” with other people.
“Reach out and help each other,” she said.
Oconto County Dairy Promotions board member Bev Wolf said learning how to communicate is important.
“Any time you bring people together, there will always be conflict. With the right approach, you can always work through it,” Wolf said.
Sue Alden laughed when she explained how she has learned how to compromise in her marriage to Oconto County Dairy Promotions President Mark Alden.
“It’s why we have a gray house,” she said. “Mark wanted blue. I wanted tan. We compromised.”
“Nobody jumped up and said they’re going to change overnight, but I think people will go home and mull it over,” OCDP member Ken Harter said. “I expect there will be some change in people’s attitudes.”
Dean and Wanda Good, who moved to the farm in October 1994, received a large green and gold dinner bell as a token of appreciation for hosting the event. Most of the Good’s 10 children were present.
