When I put up my new calendar, it said the first month of 2026 is January. Now lest you think I enjoyed one too many toddies this past Christmas holiday, I assure you that is not the case. In fact, my head is so clear that I got to thinking. Jon warned me how dangerous that can be, but did I pay attention? Of course not. Anyway, what I got to thinking about is the irrational way the Gregorian Calendar is arranged.
Earth to Gregory XIII. Wouldn’t it have made a lot more sense to begin the New Year on April 1? For starters, April is a much warmer month, so a party girl could actually go out on New Year’s Eve stylishly dressed like those models in magazines. You know, in a slinky dress and strappy high-heeled sandals instead of a bulky sweater, long-johns, Sorel boots and a thick woolen scarf — or, God forbid, a snowmobile suit. Ugh.
Then, too, April Fool’s Day would be a far better choice because a huge number of people awaken on Jan. 1 wondering how much of a fool they made of themselves the evening before on what Jon calls Amateur Night. Full disclosure: I did do that in my younger days, but I am way too old to cut the mustard anymore. If you have no idea what that means, do the Google. While you’re at it, take a side trip to YouTube and check out a song by Jean Shepherd, “Many Happy Hangovers to You.” Trust me, it’s worth a listen.
I digress. The main reason the first day of April should start the New Year is the perpetual cycle of the changing seasons. On the natural world calendar, April marks the earth’s awakening from a long sleep that starts in November when Mother Nature snuggles down under her snow quilt for her long winter’s nap. Except for the January thaw, she slumbers undisturbed until the end of March when longer days and warmer temperatures jump-start the regeneration process we call spring.
Here I go thinking again, this time about those faint-hearted snowbirds who miss out on one of the most rewarding things about living in a freezer from November to March: sharing your hopes for an early spring with everyone you meet at the store or landfill. Yes, who among the hardy souls who live in the Northwoods year-round doesn’t eagerly anticipate that wonderful season when the earth is reborn? Unfortunately, due to climate change, we seem to be stuck with three months of March. Double ugh.
Be that as it may, here’s the deal. Even Mother Nature sees a new year as the time for a fresh start. It’s why we make all those resolutions that nobody ever keeps, right? I think (here I go again) those promises to reform are doomed to failure. Why? Simple. With the New Year starting in January when we are all frozen in place, who could be expected to keep any resolution — much less the most popular one, which is to lose weight.
Careful readers will notice I did not end that sentence with a question mark. Why? Because it’s a rhetorical question and thus needs no special end punctuation. In other words, we already know the answer. Absolutely no one can be faulted for reneging on new year’s resolutions because the new year starts at the wrong time. Let me expound on my hypothesis with the best example I can think of, the aforementioned getting in shape.
Who wants to go to the gym when the weather outside is frightful? Besides, driving on slippery roads is far more perilous than transporting around your own personal spare tire. How can you shed those excess pounds when you are cooped up inside the house with the couch and afghan calling your name with all the seduction of the Sirens in Greek Mythology?Hello-o-o.
It goes without saying that hot cocoa and leftover Christmas cookies pack a lot more calories than iced tea and chilled strawberries. No self-respecting northerner would fancy that combo after snowmobiling, ice-skating, cross-country skiing, sledding, snowshoeing or walking in a winter wonderland.
If I haven’t convinced you that we should exchange New Year’s Day and April Fool’s Day, take heart. It will never happen. People say they want change, but they don’t, even when it makes perfect sense. We’re so accustomed to our current calendar that anyone who suggests such a drastic change would be considered a rabid revolutionary. Oh dear; I should have listened to Jon. Too much thinking is dangerous. Back to my coffee and cookies cocoon. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas season, and oh, a belated happy new year.
Kathleen Marsh is a lifelong educator, writer and community advocate. She has published eight books, four on the history of Townsend, where she and husband Jon are happily retired on the beautiful Townsend Flowage.
